"Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared" Tupac Shakur
One of the world's best examples of #selfpreservation is the Rose. They inspire within us a sense of beauty and admiration with their flowers but teach us to respect their boundaries with their thorns. They will grow & bloom no matter what is thrown at them being one of the worlds most resilient flowers and will forever be one of my favorite teachers as is all of nature. Including astrological events like retrogrades, specifically in this case this Mercury retrograde which was jam-packed with A lot of lessons. Lessons that I clearly needed to confront because I haven't really felt a retrograde this hard in a LOOOONG time. However, when they do hit hard they do so for a higher purpose and allow you to get even more aligned with it, which not only enables you to grow, but can open new doors to things you didn't even know you wanted. During these retrogrades, some situations may feel like no matter what you do they just won't get better or easier and that's because there's a hidden message for you. All this may sound crazy to some but I'm going to go ahead and presume that the reason you are here, reading this, is because something about this resonates with you. If that's the case, please keep on reading, if that isn't the case then you should ask yourself why you are here? There‘s always something to learn from everyone so if you're here to learn and grow then you're on the right track.
Like Shakira's song says, "No se puede vivir con tanto veneno", and that's the truth. The things you need to purge will only get more difficult to deal with when you resist their existence. When I finally realized and accepted that was when I allowed for things that were bothering me to become messages instead. With that I made a list of what I learned and invite you to share with me what you learned as well at the end of this blog. I encourage you to feel empowered to share your experiences and what you've learned below because at the end of the day, we're all in this together.
Like I said in the beginning of the blog, I learned a lot more when I stopped reacting and resisting things that I needed to accept. These were things I noticed since the beginning of the New Year, things I just didn't want to accept for what they were. Once I did, I started to get messages from people, started Seeing posts on IG that really resonated with me and started to accept the messages I was receiving, realizing that they were only there to serve me and because of that I started to feel lighter. Now, hold up real quick, cuz when I say I accepted things, not ever will that mean I accept people's disrespect or direct/indirect attacks towards me. Nah that will not ever be me. By acceptance I mean I started to look at things differently and started to focus on what I can do and what I can't change rather than what I wished was different.
Almost immediately after accepting these truths, I made a decision to call back all the energy I ever gave anyone who wasn't receptive or grateful for it. I decided I will no longer give myself away so freely to those who, plain and simple, just don't deserve it, not necessarily because they are bad people but because they need to fulfill their own karmic debts and are on their own journey. They will see things in their own time or, like I said before, maybe they won't, but I will no longer carry things like their mine because it isn't.
I will no longer try so hard to open people's eyes to the truth, which can seem so plain to see for some but not to others cuz they're just not there yet and they may never be and that's ok. I will no longer give my precious energy to those who drain it and still think it isn't enough. I stopped hoping and praying that they grow. I'm, metaphorically speaking, cleaning my hands of that responsibility and focusing on those that reciprocate my love. Focusing on all the things I am destined to do. This is especially hard when you care or love someone because you want them to grow and evolve with you so badly but that's just not going to happen simply because you're on another level and see things for what they are rather than what they wish they were. When you accept things for what they are you simultaneously give yourself permission to do what is best for you.
I am no longer giving my energy to low vibing people who most likely feel numb inside from unresolved issues that they refuse to acknowledge. Can't force people to confront their own demons, even if it's so clear that it would help them immensely in their journey. It’s not my fault and it’s not my position to fix them. I will no longer stress out about situations that I didn’t create. I will let them make their beds and lay in them and when they complain I’ll simply walk away letting them deal with what they did to themselves. This may seem harsh to some people, but this is actually what I consider to be boundaries. I'm protecting my energy because Mercury taught me to keep people accountable for what they do but forgive them and move on so I can do what I need to do. When we heal ourselves, we heal collectively. One by one, but it's a personal decision a choice that can seem too intense for many. One thing I can say for sure is masks don't last forever and its a matter of time before their true colors emerge. And I learned through this retrograde that true spirituality is about relaxing and letting go. So now I sit back and relax, do what I need to do, continue to do what I am doing, being considerate and loving to those around me, protecting my energy, giving to those who want to learn, and grow with me, accepting where I am and where others are.
Everyone is on their own journey and I’m learning to live with that even if it breaks my heart to see them not realizing their full potential, allowing themselves to get consumed with misplaced anger and hatred. Its so hard to let go of expectations from people you’ve nurtured and loved but it’s part of growing up. We all need to make our own mistakes. And unfortunately some people look ok on the outside but inside they’re full of hatred and they’ll project it on to those who offer them love rather than reciprocate it. They may even resent you more if they start liking you because they may be in a loyalty bind to someone else. And that’s all ok. It’s ok because it’s not anyone’s job to fix anyone else but ourselves. Some people are easily manipulated and brainwashed by others regardless of the truth in front of them because they lack self love, self awareness and self respect. It’s on them to decide when they want to look inward rather than outward for all their problems. Not on me. Whether they do or they don’t is based on the journey they are on. They might perpetually stay in victim mentality mode because it's a lot easier to stay there than to take your power back and take FULL responsibility for your actions and that’s ok with me.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I belong here. Everything unfolds as it should in its own time. These are affirmations that encourage me to look at things from a different perspective and give things the space they need to grow when ready. For me, growing up I always attracted the most hurt people, the ones with issues that I wouldn't want to wish on anyone and yet I did my very best to help them, to "fix" them. Not realizing what boundaries really meant and allowing their sadness, and hatred to seep into me. Taking their pain as if it was my own and fighting their fights. It took me years to realize it wasn't up to me and took me even more years to learn how to protect my energy. I'm still learning, we all are, we always will be but I'm thankful for my lessons, thankful for always being open to understanding situations and looking deeper. Not taking things at face value but instead taking things with a grain of salt and balancing that without being too cynical. I'll be the first to admit that being sensitive and growing up in New York City can definitely leave someone jaded and tired. Thats when making a conscious decision of who you want to be despite your circumstances comes in, choosing to not allow myself to harden was possible after I realized that the majority of us are just trying to do the best we can. And it gave me a super keen sense of character to the point that my husband, daughter and those closest to me aren't surprised anymore. At the end of the day, we all need a little help sometimes but when you catch yourself hating or devaluing people who have bent over backwards for you then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate yourself and your mindset. Is that how YOU feel or how someone else has told you, you should feel? Really dig deep and see if that's how you want to live your life. Pushing away those who have been your biggest advocate is a big sign that there's a disconnect with reality and who you spend your majority of time with will definitely influence you positively or negatively, depending on how those people inherently are.
They say love conquers all but when dealing with toxic situations the more accurate saying is that Self-love conquers all. I mean if you think about it when you love yourself you respect yourself and you naturally are able to respect others. When you meet someone you don’t like perhaps it’s teaching you something about yourself. You can’t change others but you can change and work on yourself. This retrograde really had me doing a lot of #shadowwork aka #innerwork and #mirrorwork, that I was clearly neglecting. It was like the more I wanted to work on my projects and goals, the more I felt the urge to do some inner purging. So I learned to let go. I learned to no longer force things. I’m unlearning to relearn to step into my power, fully. MErcury was teaching me that she is ME and I am Her. The remnants of innerwork I was avoiding were things from the past that never really went away or cleared up as it should, and it showed me that these were not things that I necessarily needed to work on because I've already done a lot more than I needed to, but more importantly things I needed to let be and let go. Situations, feelings, circumstances don’t come from the outside in but from the inside out. I know we all hear it a lot, how perspective and mindset is what matters and I know it sounds too simple and too naive but I’m here to tell you that it isn’t. How many people have you met who were in the same cycles and situations for years or decades and it wasn’t until they changed their perspective (and ofc did the work) that things changed. It's also not as simple as it sounds. Changing your mindset and perspective takes a lot of healing and healing is no easy task, but it all has to start somewhere and that somewhere HAS to be IN you! Make sure you allow yourself to Bloom as you should ❤🌹
With lots of love,