In The Undercurrent of My Dreams
I thought I lost her, my wild soul
I couldn’t find her anymore, could barely remember her
She was pushed down and aside. Discarded
I was reminded that she’s still here. That she wasn’t ever far from me.
That I can retrieve her. For she never belonged to anyone but me.
And so, slowly but surely I started to weave her back into my skin. Threading her back memory by memory, into the lining of who I am at my core. Reclaiming and integrating her.
Fusing her back into my being. Unearthing her stories, her tears, her losses, her triumphs, her ease of laughter, of loving, of running free.
All the things I dreaded to remember & therefore to recover, out of fear of not being loved, understood or valued.
I risked losing myself to be as I was told I should be and the only socially acceptable way to access her was through my drunken stupors.
I gave up my goals, my creativity, my soul callings until I didn’t anymore. And it looked different than what I remembered but I blew the dust off, and began to shine it anew.
She was always there. In the undercurrent of my dreams, I heard her whispers. And I realized I had been led to experience losing my soul skin to re-emerge; brighter, wiser and greater.
All I had to do was remember.
And there I was, alone. All one. As she breathed new ancient life into me.
The wisdom of my heart drum beat back again with a resounding yes.
Unbridled & Light. Once more. Not ever to be lost again.
Images from Unsplash. Original words by Anneli Marceles. Inspired by her story and the stories of so many of the warrior women she has had the privilege to meet, know and work with.